Just Not Easy...

It's day +3, in transplant language that's 3 days after you get your cells. That was an incredible day, but since then, things have just not been easy.

Bone marrow Transplants are just not easy. physically & emotionally. The day after I got my cells I woke up with a lump in my throat...but I just thought one of the many pills I'm taking was stuck. Then I realized, crap, that's not a lump...that would be a mouth sore. Oh, the dreaded chemo mouth sores. It's getting harder and harder for me to swallow as more fill my mouth and throat. The nausea has picked up along with vomiting and feeling like complete crap. The unfortunate "transplant normals" they call it. They've got me on round the clock anti-nausea meds, and now my very own morphine pump. The med pole continues to grow, and all the lines coming out of my chest are becoming heavy. I'm also on TPN, nutrition that runs through my line, because I can't eat. The very thought of food makes me sick.  
My counts are dropping, which is expected. My ANC is pretty much non-existent, so I am very susceptible to infection, and my hemoglobin and platelets continue to drop. They'll probably transfuse me tomorrow.

This morning I woke up so nauseated, stabbing pains in my stomach, vomiting, and hardly being able to open my mouth because of the sores. My amazing mom sat at my bedside rubbing my back and stroking my hair and telling me "one day at a time". I am so grateful for her. It's been a very rough day, both physically and emotionally. I'm weak and more tired than I've ever been. So, I've slept most of the day.

Another thing is, days +1,+3,+5...they start another chemo called methotrexate, which is a harsh chemo but helps prevent graft vs. host disease. So it's very important. I got the dose day 1, but my liver numbers went up and they couldn't give the next dose to me until those numbers went down. My mom posted something asking for extra prayers that my labs would come back good and I could get the med. Let me tell you how strong the power of prayer is. My liver numbers went down and I am getting the chemo as I'm typing this. God is good, so good. He hears and answers every prayer and I'm so thankful.

In the mean while, I'm hoping for better days to come. All of this is just not easy, but I CAN and I WILL do it.

"Where there is hope, there is faith. Where there is faith, miracles happen."

hair loss update: haven't lost any yet...we'll see how long this'll take.

XOXO, Kin